A year from now…

Almost dark at 2 pm when I look out the window and see the afternoon drizzle gently splashing onto the red rooftops which are nearly shrouded in mist. How depressing! It feels as if the world was preparing to come to an end every single day.

I stand up to glance around the room and see all these people with numb faces staring at their computer screens. Only thing to break the silence is the sound of mouse clicks and someone running for coffee to escape this at least for a moment. I am thinking to myself, what the hell? Am I going to be doing this for the rest of my life? Sitting behind a computer and doing something in the virtual world, doing it for someone else without having any bigger value for me? So, one day, when I look back to my life, I can say that it was well spent, I am so proud of all these hours sat behind my computer. Is this what I am meant to be doing? Is this what I was created for?

What is the point of my existence? Work hard, get a loan to buy home and pay off the mortgage for the rest of my life? In the meanwhile get married and bring up children to this world? So this is it? This is what I was conceived for? This little should I want from life?

For many years now I have been living my life waiting for something new, something bigger, more fulfilling. Planning the next trip, next event, waiting for my best friend’s visit, my graduations… Always planning and living half a year ahead. Sometimes when going on a trip, I had another two already booked. Somehow my mind is set to be happy only when I am planning a vacation or when I am on a vacation, but what is happening here this very moment… I am just passing by, counting the days left until next trip.

I don’t envy rich people driving around in fancy cars, living in penthouses, making phone calls with the latest iPhone model. It is all worthless to me. The greatest richness I see in people who have found their purpose in life, they do something they truly love and they know how to cherish the little things around them, everyday. This is something to be jealous of.

I have tried different things to get the fulfillment, to feel that my true potential can be used. First, I got my bachelor’s degree along with Spanish skills. Then I got my master’s degree, I wanted cum laude, got it. Then it began, the biggest mystery of all times, now what? School is over. What am I supposed to do now? Worked a bit, then went to flower school for a year, founded my own company and then started seriously thinking about moving to Spain. Maybe this would fix me? My greatest passion – Spain. Always wanted to live there and experience the real Spanish life. This will be like a paradise, I will be happy for eternity…

…and a year from now, the feeling remains the same, only the skies are bluer…


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